Pensive

It has been 8 months since I first wrote in this journal. I am sitting back on top of kite hill in Berkeley, overlooking the city by the bay. The wind is strong and I just wrapped up my princess kite so I could write. I am pensive today. Reflective. Inside of me I want to think so I will not have to feel. I am happy and I want to keep the sad disappointments far away from the surface. I want to enjoy this moment with the wind brushing against my face, and the sun warming my skin.

Now the sun is blinding me as it sets low in the sky. It is now at eye level. The city and the bay are the same shade of quicksilver. The buildings look more like a disease taking over the beautiful green mountains to the left and right. In that city, I have memories. Lost and forgotten soon enough. Everything seems different then just 6 hours earlier when I sat atop this hill.

The color around me has faded. The warm sun is gone and setting. The chill has frosted my skin. I am realizing how different you can be just over a day. Over a week. Over 8 months. I am different and for some reason that scares me. It used to excite me, but now I am uneasy. Where will I be in another 8 months? Sitting atop this hill? Will I still be alone? I do love my life and I can't help to smile as I look towards the slowly churning melting pot of sea and fresh water. Life is good. Life is hard. Life moves on.

-March 28th Journal entry