Pensive

It has been 8 months since I first wrote in this journal. I am sitting back on top of kite hill in Berkeley, overlooking the city by the bay. The wind is strong and I just wrapped up my princess kite so I could write. I am pensive today. Reflective. Inside of me I want to think so I will not have to feel. I am happy and I want to keep the sad disappointments far away from the surface. I want to enjoy this moment with the wind brushing against my face, and the sun warming my skin.

Now the sun is blinding me as it sets low in the sky. It is now at eye level. The city and the bay are the same shade of quicksilver. The buildings look more like a disease taking over the beautiful green mountains to the left and right. In that city, I have memories. Lost and forgotten soon enough. Everything seems different then just 6 hours earlier when I sat atop this hill.

The color around me has faded. The warm sun is gone and setting. The chill has frosted my skin. I am realizing how different you can be just over a day. Over a week. Over 8 months. I am different and for some reason that scares me. It used to excite me, but now I am uneasy. Where will I be in another 8 months? Sitting atop this hill? Will I still be alone? I do love my life and I can't help to smile as I look towards the slowly churning melting pot of sea and fresh water. Life is good. Life is hard. Life moves on.

-March 28th Journal entry

Speachless

Ms. Q: Goooooood Morning sunshine. How's it hangin?

R: Good. Good.

Ms. Q and R fist bump as 2nd period senior English beings.

R: I have to show you something.

R takes out an envelope and begins unfolding a paper. Ms. Q looks at R's little smile has he hands Ms. Q the paper.

Ms. Q: What is this? Where is it from?

R: It is from UC Merced. The good stuff is written on the back.

Ms. Q turns the paper over. Numbers are printed all over it, adding up to about $27,000.

Ms. Q: Is this scholarship money?

R: Yes. They are paying for me to go to school, plus some.

Ms. Q continued to look at the financial aid. Speechless. Tears begin to weld up in her eyes. Then she begins jumping up and down, and gives R a huge hug.

Ms. Q: R!!! I am sosoosos proud of you! I am going to make you a sign! R is going to COLLEGE. R is getting paid to go to COLLEGE!

Ms. Q proceeds in doing her happy college dance that she does every time a student tells her they got in somewhere. But this dance meant so much more.

Ms. Q: Have you told anyone else about this?

R: No, you are the first person I told.

.......................

Ms. Q is strangely speechless. A tear almost leaks out. She smiles as the bell rings. Class begins.

March

What does MARCH mean to me?

a month that has way too many days (31... come on now)
gang violence uprise in Oakland (and my classrooms)
unmotivated students (and teacher)
busy weekdays, busier weekends
interviews for the summer jobs
hundreds of teacher layoffs
Final credential projects
Bdays, but no holidays
work work work work
cry cry cry cry
appointments
workshops
eating
tired
me.

The Fighting Romance, by A.C.

Late on an after noon Mr. Hart call Mss. Quane on a date (Mss. Quane was craizy fo Mr. Hart) but before Mr. Hart cud finish his sentense Mss. Quane allready had sed yes.... They were meting at Rico's Pool Hall, at first they were just talking about what have they been doing over the last months and then everything started. Mr. Hart order a doble tequila because he had some rougft thoths. Mss. Quane keept talking abort their pass and ordering more drinks and geting badly drank. Then the disaster Mss. Quane started screaming at Mr. Hart because he lock like if he was sleeping ensted of listening they started screaming louder and luther and the oner of Rico's Poo HAll told them to lower their voise or live the resturrant and they left on their own way.

Assignment: Write a creative story about external conflict using characters from Parrot in the Oven. Creative? Yes. Characters from P.O? Questionable, but so hilarious, he got full credit.

-Ms. Q

Professionally Developing Myself

I have had a busy week of "developing" myself as a teacher. The scary thing is how much of this overlaps into my precious weekends, and how I strangely am okay with that.

Over the past week I have attended a school PD (program development), a network PD, a workshop on organization, a collaboration meeting about reading strategies, meeting about reteaching, conference with my PD (program director...can't keep them all straight), conversation with a lead teacher/board director/7th year teacher, mingling with SPED teacher from Richmond, and the list goes on and on and on.

Teaching and learning how to teach is my life. Every moment I get a chance to learn more about being a (better) teach I pounce on it and soak in as much helpful information as possible. TFA has provided some great resources, but I have begun to realize my saturation point is quite shallow (where the information get absorbed temporarily, just to be filed away in my "to read" pile i.e. never to be seen again). Even so, here are some random things that did stick from my many workshops, conferences, and chats with seasoned teachers.

- if you are not organized, don't expect your students to be
- keep all of your schedules in one place, and that place is NOT in your head
- teaching is not perfect, but it is for the perfectionist
- teach, reteach, rereteach
- steal any lesson plans you can
- teaching gets easier, but it will never be easy
- you must teach what you are passionate about
- this work will never go away
- we would rather have life long teachers at 80%, than 2 year teachers at 110%
- get to know the kids
- Strategy for next year: 20 min of silent reading 2x a week (yesss, freedom)
- communicate and compromise
- even if you teach 3 years, you only really were a teacher for 2
- Next year will be better. Next year will be better. (remind yourself)
- Don't give up. 3 more months.
- teachers are work-a-holics. Sorry bout it.


That is just a few tidbits of information or advice that I collected from this week of becoming a better teacher.