Last Chance to use the internet

I am about to venture back to the Hill of the Quane's for winter break. That means that I will not have a heater, dryer, or (gasp) internet for the next 2 weeks. Yes we are still stuck in the stone age with a fire place, clothes lines, and dial up, but frankly that is home and I'm glad to get away from the city life.

The last week of school I went through a variety of emotions. At first I did not feel ready for the break to come. I had so much more work to do. The students had their essay to write. I was anxious thinking about how many essays I will actually get returned when we get back from break (I am thinking about 10% will be completed...sigh). After I snapped out of that crazy-work-aholic phase around Thursday, I turned to the depressed phase. My roommates were leaving for 2 weeks. That may not seem very long, but considering I have not been separated from them for more than 3 days since June, it is kinda a big deal. We live, eat, sleep together. I work with Caroline, and I basically know all of Theresa's students because she can't stop talking about how much she loves them. We get along so well, and they have been my lifeline since I've been here. I miss them already... The next phase came around 3:00pm on Friday afternoon, when my students had either mysteriously disappeared from school or had turned into wild animals. That is when I realized that I wouldn't mind a nice break from the madness at school. I asked a lot of my kids what they were doing over break and it seemed to be a consensus of "nothing" or "going to Mexico." We'll see how many come back (somehow the 2 week break gets stretched out for 3-4 weeks for some families). Finally I ended the week in the "I can't believe I made it" phase. I have been living life day by day, hour by hour, second my second. I never took the moment to look up and realize how far I have come. I only remember how far away winter break felt, yet someone, here I am getting a much needed break. I still can't believe it. I am not half way done until February, but getting to Winter Break has been a monumental achievement.

I could write forever, but sadly, I have to pack up and prepare for my winter break adventure: Quane Hill-> Tahoe-> San Jose -> Quane Hill -> Berkeley ->San Francisco -> Berkeley. No rest for the weary!

Merry ChrismakakwanzaSolstis.

-Ms. Quane

Adios 2009.

I had a mental breakdown on the way to school.
Cried during my prep.
Called mommy.
Told my 2nd period I had allergies.
Kicked out 4 kids.
Skipped lunch to tutor.
Ate a cake. Yes an entire cake.
Went to a candle light visual.
Babysat a 14 year old.
Danced in front of 6th period. Twice.
Realized that one of my students actually learned something this year :)

Holiday break in 1 day. Thank you Jesus for being born so I can have 2 weeks off.

-Ms. Grinch Quane

A surprise day off

It's the end of 3rd period when my principle pokes her head in, "Ummm I need to make an announcement." Thoughts running through my head, "Someone is in danger. One of my students is in trouble. There has been another fight. A gang has taken over the school." I stand there, waiting for her to speak. Finally she says, "How many people are not going to be here tomorrow. How many people are going to FA's memorial tomorrow?" Half the class raises their hand. "Okay, well there is no school tomorrow because the attendance is going to be low. You don't have to be here, but you should still come in for tutoring." Thoughts in my head now, (a)Damn it, there goes my plans on having them finishing their persuasive essays before the break. Looks like it is going to have to be split up after break. (b) Why the hell would they shut the school down and not make the other kids come to school!? "Optional" tutoring is not going to work. I have so much to catch these kids up to begin with! (c) hell yeah, I have no students tomorrow!!! (although teachers still have to be there). (d) You think they would give us some notice on this type of stuff!

So tomorrow I have the day off, even though I am strangely peeved since I won't finish my lesson until after break. I am truly a teacher.

This weekend was a nice b-day weekend. Friday night we had our school teacher holiday party, which included booze, White Elephant exchange, and meeting people's families. Let's just say I stayed sober, I pissed another teacher off for stealing her gift, and I played with a 3 year old for an hour. Then I was in bed by 9pm. 23 is the new 40.

Saturday was my actual birthday, and it was quite the step up. It started off by sleeping in (until 9am) then lounging around my apt. lesson planning (yes, LPing on my bday). I finally was saved from myself by M who took me out for a brief bday lunch. I got gussied up for a TFA alumni dinner, then rushed over to a TFA friend's holiday party in San Fran. As I walk in I meet Caroline's friend who lives at the house, "Oh hi Kellee. It's your birthday right? I saw the beautiful cake already." Cake? Well there when that surprise. Caroline and Theresa had mastered a plan to get a beautiful cake to the party without me knowing. Either way, it was a classic "party pooper" moment. When they took the cake out, I acted surprise, and no one else knew the wiser.

Sunday ment the fun was over and time to go back to work. We calculated that we work 85-95 hours a week. Yeh, that is disgusting. Yeh, that is my life. Yeh, that is why I am going to crawl into bed by 10pm. Like I said, 23 is the new 40.

-Ms. Q

5:00am A moment of clarity

I wake up every day at 5am. I plan all night, then I wake up and plan some more. It is Thursday and I feel like I have almost run out of steam. Two... more...days...

This has been an emotionally exhausting week. Monday was crazy enough, but really yesterday is a day I will never forget. J, my 3rd period trouble maker, has recently been quiet and depressed (totally unlike his class clown personality). I see him in the morning moping around in the halls during 1st period. Even though he gives me hell during class, he is a great kid and I really like him as a person. After scolding him for not being in class, I bring him to his 1st period, only to have his teacher hand him a referral for cutting class. I. Felt. Horrible. I was partly the reason it took him so long to get back to class because I was talking to him and trying to see why he was looking so down. Now he was being sent to the office. Bad times.

I talked to the Dean about the situation, but I still felt horrible. I kept J during lunch and we had a heart to heart. He is going through a lot at home, to say the least. It is moments like yesterday when I realize why these students are so far behind. It is not because they are stupid, it is not because they don't want to learn. It is because there are so many obstacle in their way that are more important than learning to write a persuasive essay. He has to worry where he is going to live tomorrow, rather then if he does his worksheet. It is not excuse, but things are a bit clearer for me.

Today our apartment is having a dinner party for our birthdays, and of course, we are inviting all teachers. My cool status is pretty low right about now. I am leaving my 22s behind (which included Spain, senior year of college, graduation, parties) for what looks like a bumpy road of 23 (teaching).

-Ms. Q

Roller Coaster of a Day

7:30am- I find out that one of my students at school was murdered outside of his house on Friday. I proceeded to go through shock and could barely think or move.

7:44am- I have received 4 emails from my administration that this student had been murdered. The tears begin flowing.

8:30am- I receive an email saying that this student was actually not dead. WTF. Thank goodness, but seriously, where is this information coming from?

8:33am- Email saying that the student's brother had died, and our student has been shot but is in the hospital. My tears have dried and now I am pissed that they unnecessarily said that my student had been murdered. Quit playing games with my heart.

10:20am- Our school is put on lock down.

12:00pm- I find out that one of our students was jumped today and the Boarder Brothers (Mexican gang) were circling our school.

3:00pm- Lock down #2, why? I have no idea.

3:30pm- School is out. Who the heck knows what is going on? My little heart has been toyed with all day. The administration doesn't tell us anything. And when they try, they get the info wrong.

Why am I putting myself through this?

-Ms. Q

Bad Day

I had a horrible day. I don't remember last time I cried this hard, or for this long. I don't want to dwell on it but I did realize one thing by the end of the day:


Horrible days as Ms. Quane help to remind me how much I am loved as Kellee.

<3 I'm gonna keep on truckin.