Realizations about Me

Every Friday I look at my roommate on our way home and we say, "How did we make it to another weekend?" The moment I walk out of the school and hit the highway on Friday night on my way out of Oakland, all I can think about getting home to my haven in Berkeley.

As I come around to month 2 1/2 months and I have fallen into some routines, I have also come to some stark realizations about myself:

I am an anal control freak. In this state of complete and utter chaos of my life, I have found pleasure in being able to control the little things around me. If my roommate leaves a mess I can't just wait for her to clean it up; I jump right on it with a mad frenzy. If my bed is a little out of order, I must stop everything and straighten my one pillow so it is perfectly centered with my stuffed dog sitting happily on top. Empty toilet paper rolls are the devil and don't even get me started with the pile of dishes in the sink. I am turning into my mother (we even wear the same shoes. Next thing-- bowl cut).

Realization 2: I need to coach. I don't know when (next year at the earliest), and I don't know what sport yet (lax isn't very popular in Easy Oakland...) but I miss being out on a field running around and being active. Thinking about coaching is something that brings a smile to my face, and let's face it, I haven't done that very much lately. My students don't have any sports available to them (because our school is so under resources). I don't even remember high school outside of my field hockey and lacrosse practices and hanging out with my team. That is what made high school bearable, and these students don't have that. I know I am being very idealistic here because with coaching comes a whole headache of problems, but it is something that I know I want to do.

Realization 3: Yes, believe it or not, some students actually appreciate me. Some of the best times I have had at school in my classroom have not been during class time, but during lunch. It is at lunch time where I can let loose and talk with my students about real things and joke around. They realize that no, Ms. Quane isn't always yelling and that yes, she has some personality. Last Friday during lunch I usually have about 5 students in my room eating lunch (all of them my Freshman students). I sat down with 2 of them who are really sweet and sassy girls, C and K (who I love because they are both passing my class!!) The convo went like this:

C- "Ms. Quane, why are you a teacher?"
Ms. Q- "Wow C, that is a big question. I don't know where to start."
C- "Because I could never be a teacher. I would be fired for smacking all those a** holes in my class."
Ms. Q- "Watch your language."
C- "Sorry. But seriously, they are so immature and disrespectful. I don't know how you do it. I would never be able to handle them."
Ms. Q- "Well I am trying, C. And you are in my good class!"
K- "Yeh, I'm in the class from hell, period 4. But you know what, English is my favorite class. I love English."
Ms. Q- And K, that is one reason I can keep teaching. Because there are a few students who really care.
K- But I'd smack them too if I could.
Ms. Q- That would be so much easier, wouldn't it..... (laughing)
C- Ms. Kwan (yes that is how they pronounce my name), tell us about the fight again!

Then it went into a conversation about when Ms. Q got into a fight in high school. You might be wondering, "Wow, I didn't know that happened?! Kellee fighting?!" Well, it didn't. Haha When I was teaching my students the hook of an essay and suspense, I made up some story about getting into a fight in high school, but I wouldn't tell them what happened in the end. They went wild wanting to know what happened. I had made up the story on the spot, so I gave myself another week of thought before I created the appropriate ending. Lying to kids is so much fun! Want to know what is said? I guess you are going to have to wait :)



RECAP
Well that is enough for now. Recap: I am turning into my mother (baking anyone?), I want to coach (lax in East Oakland... if only!), and I have a few students who appreciate my efforts as a teacher and understand that it's a very difficult job.

I have a lot to look foward to: one more week of school then a BREAK, SPA day with the girls (I need a massage badly), TFA Holiday Party, my b-day Caroline's b-day and Theresa's b-day all within 6 days of each other, and then 2 weeks off! I think I can make it....


-Ms. Quane