Regressing

Horrible day. The closest I have gotten to crying in front of class. 4th period continues to haunt me daily at school, as well as in my sleep. Isn't this who teaching thing suppose to get better? It is the end of the year and students are either (a) stressed/freaking out, or (b) totally checked out. Lately, I have also been walking the line between the two.

I feel as if my 4th period class has regressed back to their old, terrorizing, ways.I went on a little tour back to my blog in September and was shocked at what I found. Here is an excerpt from Sept. 21st, 2009:


Week 4 was by far the worst for me and all of my roommates. The exhaustion we felt seeped into our bones and our entire bodies hurt from sleep deprivation. My students are quickly polarizing between getting As or Fs, as well as Hating or Loving me. None of them can possibly like me as a teacher (because I suck) but I have gotten to know some of the students personally so they've got my back and help me get through the day. My classes are so boring and the students are starting to vocalize it. Some of them just sit there all period bugging other kids, not caring about grades or personal threats. How can you get a senior in your freshman class (who has failed this class 3 times already) to care? I can't figure it out.... Friday was the absolute worst: people ripping up tests, ditching school, getting taken out of class by the cops, yelling out in class how much they hate the class, and then failing miserably on the quiz. Period 4 is going to be the end of me.

The sad thing is that I am still noticing many of the same trends: extreme exhaustion, polorized grades, students who hate me (I'm sure even more than before), students ditching, boring classes, and 4th period ruining my life.

But I also notice how somethings have improved: no more ripped tests, no more police officers removing my students, I can control my students on most days, and (some of) my seniors have finally gotten their crap together. So even through the rain, I see a ray of light.

2 more weeks of school. I have come so far from day 1, even though at times it is hard to remember. Next week my students are taking their FINAL EXAM. Will they reach their big goal of 81% that we have worked on the entire year? Things are looking bleak.

-Ms. Q